My thoughts

For years and years
I built a wall
and stuffed the space
behind it full
of wounds and hurts
and needs
 
all those unspoken needs
Some very small
some not so much
most not even voiced
the space filled and
filled and filled
  
Until one day the pressure
was too great
a small crack and
finally broken
open wide

 I can't hide behind it
anymore - no matter
how hard I try

it's scary
not having a wall
 
It's raw and emotional

I can't pretend
to hide

I fall apart
in an instant
at insignificant things
or sometimes

nothing at all
 
Healing is so
much harder
than hiding
ever was
 
Some days I long
for the safety
of my wall...

Hard to believe it has been 35 years since Emily was born and died.