Perhaps Vicky White and I never felt truly significant. The similarities between our stories are striking. Like everyone, we didn’t get a rehearsal or a redo when things went wrong. We stepped into choices that forever altered our lives.
As a young woman, I leapt headlong into bearing children, earning degrees, and building the American dream. For decades I lived the part. But then, twenty-eight years later, the intentions of a convict cracked something open in me. What I felt with John was intoxicating, almost cosmic—like a lightning strike after years of drought. Unknowingly, my lifestyle, my years of quiet conformity, had carved a weakness in me, one that made me vulnerable to his plight.
Prison, like a controlled experiment, amplified everything. For John, as for Casey White, confinement created an unnatural intensity—passion, need, desire—that fed on itself. And for women like Vicky and me, the very walls that kept others locked in somehow gave us a false sense of safety. Within that structure, lowering our own barriers felt less dangerous. When we offered even subtle signals of care, it was received as permission: all systems go.
Parallels are Uncanny
The parallels between us are uncanny. After long, exemplary careers, both of us fell for convicted murderers. Both of us aided their escapes not through violence, but simply by driving away. John and I fled to Tennessee and remained on the run for ten days. Vicky and Casey also crossed into Tennessee, eluding authorities for eleven. John was twenty-one years younger than me; Casey was twenty-two years younger than Vicky.
I will not speculate on what was in Vicky’s heart. I only know that I lost everything of value and meaning, and in those darkest days I understood how she might have seen no way forward. Her death, to me, reflects the depth of pain that blinded her from the possibility of hope on the other side of despair.
Vicky White and I had similar stories, right up until the very end. My path ran through punishment, accountability, and pain, but also through healing. That journey offered me strength of character and opportunities to make meaning of my choices.
Vicky never had that chance.
Any decision can carry life-or-death consequences. But none of us is only our worst mistake.
Dear Toby:
These recent events may not be easy for you, perhaps causing you to relive some painful memories. But your humble yet couragious compassion for Vicky White, John Maynard, and Casey White is profoundly touching to me, and reflects the compassion you were able to first find for yourself (with God’s tender grace and help).
Thank you for being the voice that perhaps we all need to hear!
Very true!
Dear Toby,
These recent events may not be easy for you, perhaps causing you to relive some painful memories. But your humble yet courageous compassion for Vicky White, John Maynard, and Casey White is profoundly touching to me, and reflects the compassion you were able to first find for yourself (with God’s tender grace and help).
Thank you for being the voice that perhaps we all need to hear.
My sorrow goes out for Vicky White. She was a victim and didn’t get to see the forgiveness peopke would have had for her. She had so much life left to give as you Toby hsve proven in yout your outreach to others who have had similar emotions and situationd. We all make terriblele mistskes that hurt others. Thank you for your blog Toby.
Thanks for seeing that none of us is our worst mistake.
Yes so true. For all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God. Romans 3:23.
Amen!
From the time I heard of the escape I have struggled to understand why Vicky would risk everything. I came across a article that said you knew why. I then watched your Dateline Nbc episode and it further explained how it could all happen. Your life is such an example of redemption, purpose and fulfillment. As you say we are not our worst mistake.
Martha, I hope I replied to you kind comment when it first came in. But if not, I’m replying now. Thanks for listening and understanding. None of us is our worst mistake!
I watched dateline Friday night 1/17/25 and cried to hear of the deep-seated pain that rippled through your life swirling you into desperation! I understand that level of desperation and though our career paths are not connected, we have been connected as sisters in a society of prunes that maintain their secrets of wrong doing! After 43 years of hard work in the industry defense sector, I still find myself to be the “woman in the arena” being bullied and stabbed relentlessly in a world of swarming with entitlement! No matter what task has been thrown at me, even those with hidden agendas, I have succeeded to find myself punished! My work often gets stolen while others get the credit! Surviving motherhood as a single mom of 2 adult children – in their 40s- I feel such an emptiness in a world where I am not understood! My goal has been to divorce myself from my JOB once I reach 70 which is only 29 months away but of all things I have excelled in and just succeeded in an impossible task, I’m told I don’t qualify! And then there is the new Harassment of age discrimation! I want to learn from you how to overcome the darkness you know too well yourself! I HATE my life and want to give up to retirement but being so close I talk myself through each day to survive that day to hang in there! I can’t move on weekends due to the depressed state I find myself in! HOW do you rise above when buried in burnout! I did the affair thing back in the mid 90s at the end of a cold and abusive marriage. This man decided he didn’t children but we had 2!He divorced all 3 of us! He had an affair during the pregnancy of my youngest so it was not like he was an innocent man! I realize that sounds like an excuse but I know was in a pit and I felt unloved, used, and abused! I had to become the breadwinner to support my babies! We survived without him and the kids are doing great things in their adult lives! I’m the one that now preceives I’m holding on by a thread. I need someone to talk to that understands the depth of the darkness. I’ve never thought to take my own life due to my beliefs. My legacy was to die independent that’s why retirement in 29 months is so important! The problem is I’ve run from the job abuse being blessed with great employment! Because of my work ethic-raised on farm- I seem to threaten others. Very misunderstood! I’ve never taken anyone’s job away from them! I’ve never aspired to be in management! For 43 years I have just wanted a job to maintain my goal- my independence. I guess I need to find purpose again! Significance!
What part of the country do you live in? I’m going to send you a private email…
Toby